by  SHANKAR VEDANTAM 

----------------------------Found an article is pretty interesting from NPR.  ------------------------------------------


    Children's temper tantrums are widely seen as many things: the cause of profound helplessness among parents; a source of dread for airline passengers stuck next to a young family; a nightmare for teachers. But until recently, they had not been considered a legitimate subject for science.

Now research suggests that, beneath all the screams and kicking and shouting, lies a phenomenon that is entirely amenable to scientific dissection. Tantrums turn out to have a pattern and rhythm to them. Once understood, researchers say, this pattern can help parents, teachers and even hapless bystanders respond more effectively to temper tantrums — and help clinicians tell the difference between ordinary tantrums, which are a normal part of a child's development, and those that may be warning signals of an underlying disorder.

The key to a new theory of tantrums lies in a detailed analysis of the sounds that toddlers make during tantrums. In a new paper published in the journal Emotion, scientists found that different toddler sounds – or "vocalizations" – emerge and fade in a definite rhythm in the course of a tantrum.

"We have the most quantitative theory of tantrums that has ever been developed in the history of humankind," said study co-author Michael Potegal of the University of Minnesota, half in jest and half seriously.

 The first challenge was to collect tantrum sounds, says co-author James A. Green of the University of Connecticut.

"We developed a onesie that toddlers can wear that has a high-quality wireless microphone sewn into it," Green said. "Parents put this onesie on the child and press a go button."

The wireless microphone fed into a recorder that ran for several hours. If the toddler had a meltdown during that period, the researchers obtained a high-quality audio recording. Over time, Green and Potegal said they collected more than a hundred tantrums in high-fidelity audio.

The scientists then analyzed the audio. They found that different tantrum sounds had very distinct audio signatures. When the sounds were laid down on a graph, the researchers found that different sounds emerged and faded in a definite pattern. Unsurprisingly, sounds like yelling and screaming usually came together.

"Screaming and yelling and kicking often go together," Potegal said. "Throwing things and pulling and pushing things tend to go together. Combinations of crying, whining, falling to the floor and seeking comfort — and these also hang together."

But where one age-old theory of tantrums might suggest that meltdowns begin in anger (yells and screams) and end in sadness (cries and whimpers), Potegal found that the two emotions were more deeply intertwined.

"The impression that tantrums have two stages is incorrect," Potegal said. "In fact, the anger and the sadness are more or less simultaneous."

Understanding that tantrums have a rhythm can not only help parents know when to intervene, but also give them a sense of control.

Green and Potegal found that sad sounds tended to occur throughout tantrums. Superimposed on them were sharp peaks of yelling and screaming: anger.

The trick in getting a tantrum to end as soon as possible, Potegal said, was to get the child past the peaks of anger. Once the child was past being angry, what was left was sadness, and sad children reach out for comfort. The quickest way past the anger, the scientists said, was to do nothing. Of course, that isn't easy for parents or caregivers to do.

"When I'm advising people about anger, I say, 'There's an anger trap,"' Potegal said.

Even asking questions can prolong the anger — and the tantrum.

That's what parents Noemi and David Doudna of Sunnyvale, Calif., found. Their daughter Katrina once had a meltdown at dinnertime because she wanted to sit at one corner of the dining table. Problem was, the table didn't have any corners – it was round. When David Doudna asked Katrina where she wanted to sit, the tantrum only intensified.

"You know, when children are at the peak of anger and they're screaming and they're kicking, probably asking questions might prolong that period of anger," said Green. "It's difficult for them to process information. And to respond to a question that the parent is asking them may be just adding more information into the system than they can really cope with."

In a video of the tantrum that Noemi Doudna posted on YouTube, Katrina's tantrum intensified to screaming, followed by the child throwing herself to the floor and pushing a chair against a wall.

"Tantrums tend to often have this flow where the buildup is often quite quick to a peak of anger," Green said.

Understanding that tantrums have a rhythm can not only help parents know when to intervene, but also give them a sense of control, Green said.

That's because, when looked at scientifically, tantrums are no different than thunderstorms or other natural phenomena. Studying them as scientific subjects rather than experiencing them like parents can cause the tantrums to stop feeling traumatic and even become interesting.

"When we're walking down the street or see a child having a tantrum, I comment on the child's technique," Potegal said. "[I] mutter to my family, 'Good data,' and they all laugh."

Noemi Doudna said she now looks back on Katrina's tantrums and sees the humor in them.

Katrina often demanded things that made no sense in the course of tantrums, Noemi Doudna said. She once said, "'I don't want my feet. Take my feet off. I don't want my feet. I don't want my feet!'"

When nothing calmed the child down, Noemi Doudna added, "I once teased her — which turned out to be a big mistake — I once said, 'Well, OK, let's go get some scissors and take care of your feet.'"

Her daughter's response, Noemi Doudna recalled, was a shriek: "Nooooo!!"

Children don't come with owner's manuals. Alas. Toddlers -- full of energy and eager to test your limits as well as their legs ---can be particularly tricky to parent. Here are nine parenting mistakes every mom and dad of a toddler should avoid.

Mistake No. 1: Being InconsistentToddlers do best when they know what to expect, whether it's what time they bathe or go to bed or what consequences they'll face for misbehaving. The more consistent and predictable things are, the more resilient and agreeable a toddler is likely to be.

Fix it: As much as you can, keep regular routines for your child. Consistency can be a challenge when parents (or other caregivers) don't see eye to eye.

Not sure how best to react if your child dumps food on the floor or ignores bedtime? Sit down with your partner ahead of time to decide on an appropriate response -- and stick with it.

"You don't want to send mixed messages," says Tanya Remer Altmann, MD, the author of Mommy Calls: Dr. Tanya Answers Parents' Top 101 Questions about Babies and Toddlers and a pediatrician in private practice in Los Angeles. "You really want to be consistent."

Mistake No. 2: Focusing on Family TimeIt's delightful to spend time with the whole family. But some parents go overboard on family time.

"Kids cherish time alone time with one parent," says Thomas Phelan, PhD, a clinical psychologist in suburban Chicago and the author of several parenting books, including 1-2-3 Magic. "One-on-one time is fun for parents too, because there's no sibling rivalry to contend with."

Fix it: What's a good way to spend one-on-one time with a toddler? Phelan recommends simply getting down on the floor together and playing. At bedtime, enjoy a book or tell stories to your child.

Mistake No. 3: Offering Too Much HelpSome parents jump in to help a toddler who is having trouble doing something. Before you do, consider the possibility that by helping your child complete a puzzle or put on a shirt, you may be sending the message that he/she can't do it alone -- in other words, that the child is incompetent.

"Parents who offer too much help may be sabotaging their young children's ability to become self-reliant," says Betsy Brown Braun, the Los-Angeles-based author of You're Not the Boss of Me.

Fix it: "We need to teach children to tolerate struggle," Braun says.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with offering praise and encouragement. "Be a cheerleader," Brown says. "Say, 'You can do this!'"

Mistake No. 4: Talking Too MuchTalking with toddlers is usually a terrific idea. But not when it's time to rein in errant behavior.

Imagine a mom has just said "no" to her 2-year-old's request for a cookie. The child fusses. Mom explains that it's suppertime. The child grabs a cookie anyway. Mom takes it away, and tries again to explain herself to her now tearful child. Back and forth it goes, with mounting frustration on both sides.

"Talking can lead to what I call the talk-persuade-argue-yell-hit pattern," Phelan says. "Toddlers are not adults in a little body. They're not logical, and they just can't assimilate what you are saying to them."

Fix it: What's the smart way to lay down the law? Once you tell your toddler to do something, Phelan says, don't talk about it or make eye contact. If the child disobeys, give a brief verbal warning or count to three. If the child refuses to toe the line, give a time-out or another immediate consequence. No explaining!Mistake No. 5: Serving Only Kiddie FoodDoes your toddler seem to eat nothing but chicken fingers and fries? Are goldfish crackers the only fish he or she eats? As some parents realize too late, toddlers fed a steady diet of nutritionally iffy kid's foods may resist eating anything else.

Fix it: Encourage your child to try "grown-up" fare. "A good percentage of kids are willing to try a new food if they see mommy and daddy enjoying it," Altmann says. "If they push back, keep putting it on their plate. Some kids need to try things a dozen or more times before they take to it."

But don't worry too much if your toddler is a picky eater. "Most toddlers are," Braun says.

"Children love the fight over food. If we make a fuss about it, it becomes a much bigger deal than it needs to be," Braun says. Her advice:  As long as there's something your child can eat on the plate, don't worry. Do not allow yourself to become your child's short-order cook.

Mistake No. 6: Getting Rid of the CribCribs do more than keep little ones safe. They promote good sleep habits.

A toddler moved too soon into a "real" bed may have trouble staying in bed or falling asleep, and so may end up climbing into bed with mommy and daddy.

"Some moms wear themselves out because they have to lie down with their child every night," Altmann says. "They don't realize they're the ones who set the pattern."

Fix it: When is it time to get rid of the crib? When your child asks for a bed or starts climbing out of the crib. For most kids, that comes between the ages of 2 and 3, or when your child reaches a height of about 35 inches.
Mistake No. 7: Starting Potty Training Too SoonSome parents cajole their children into using the toilet when they think it's time -- and issue harsh reprimands when things go awry. That can lead to a power struggle.

Fix it: "Children learn to use the toilet when they're ready," Altmann says. "The process shouldn't be rushed."

But you can set the stage. Show your toddler the toilet. Explain its use. If you feel comfortable doing so, let your child watch you use the toilet -- and offer praise if he or she gives it a whirl.

What if your child is still in diapers at age 4? "Don't worry," Altmann says. "No child is ever going to go to college in diapers."

Mistake No. 8: Allowing Too Much Screen TimeToddlers who watch lots of TV often have more trouble learning later on. And studies suggest that kids under the age of 2 can't really take in what's being displayed on TV and computer screens.

Fix it: Keep your toddler busy with reading and other, more creative pursuits. Have conversations-and encourage talking as well as listening. "The longer you can hold off exposing your child to TV, the better," Altmann says.

Mistake No. 9: Trying to Stop a TantrumSome parents worry that an out-of-control child makes them seem like ineffectual parents. But all toddlers have tantrums. When they do, it's pointless to try to talk them out of it -- even if the drama is unfolding in front of company or in a public place.

"When we are in public and dealing with a child, we feel judged," Braun says. "We feel like there is a neon sign over our heads saying we are incompetent parents."Fix it: Braun says parents must remember that the child matters more than the opinions of other people -- especially strangers.

If people glare or offer unwanted advice, simply smile and say something like, "Gosh, do you remember what it was like?" Then scoop up the wailing child and find a place away from prying eyes for the tantrum to run its course. Once it does, offer the child a hug and go on with your day. 

Resource from: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/9-mistakes-parents-make-with-toddlers 

Resource from: http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/discipline-behavior/13-ways-encourage-toddler-good-behavior
In addition to keeping the "don't-touch" items out of the way, consider positive steps you can take to encourage good behavior in your toddler.

1. Give Him His Own Drawer In The Kitchenfilled with interesting items to pull out, sort, and study, things like measuring spoons, plastic dishes, a potato masher. Provide things of his own around the house that he can push, pull, turn, and manipulate.

2. Give Him a Safe Outlet For ClimbingLet him experiment with pouring water in a dishpan outside or in a tub, or at the sink under your supervision. Uncooked rice or oatmeal are easy-to-clean-up indoor substitutes for pouring sand.

3. Place Child-Sized Furniture Around The Houseto encourage the busy toddler to sit still longer and "work" at her own drawing table. A step stool will help her reach the kitchen sink for hand washing, tooth brushing, and for "helping" in the kitchen.

4. Program Your Day to Fit Your ChildIt's easier to shuffle your daily schedule around a bit than to change the temperament of your toddler. Do not set yourself up for impossible struggles. You know your child best, and you will learn, by trial and error, what works.

5. Use Wisdom When ShoppingWhen you shop with a toddler, be sure she is well-rested and well-fed, and be ready with a nutritious snack to keep her mind off the cereal boxes, lettuce, and egg cartons. Be prepared to have it take twice as long. Take your babysling along, or let baby ride in the cart. Have fun and a short grocery list. If you're in a hurry, feeling distracted or stressed, shop without baby.

6. Plan AheadKnow your child's up and down times of the day. Most toddlers behave their best in the morning and their worst in late afternoon or just before naptimes. Plan outings during what we call "easy times." Martha finds mornings one of the easiest times of the day to get our children to fit her agenda. During "tough times" of the day, our toddlers stay at their homebase.7. Anticipate Your Child's Moods,/b>Provide snacks, and lunch or supper before he gets ravenous. Sit down to share some quiet activity before he's so wound up he can't fall asleep at night.

8. Provide Regular RoutinesYou don't have to be a slave to a schedule, but toddlers need predictability: breakfast first, then get dressed; put on socks and shoes, then go bye-bye; supper, quiet play, bath, brush teeth, then bedtime stories. Routines give a child a sense of mastery.

9. Program Your Child to Fit Your DayWhile children are not machines set to behave according to the design of the parent engineer, there are simple ways to channel little minds and bodies to make your day run smoother:

10. Provide a Rested Mind and Full TummyIf you have no choice but to take a toddler to a place where it's difficult to be a two-year-old, plan ahead. Suppose you have a meeting with your older child's schoolteacher at four o'clock and you have to take along your two-year-old. Encourage your child to take a 1½ to 2 hour nap at 1:30, give a snack just before leaving home, and take along some quiet but fascinating toys. Be sure your child has had lots of your attention earlier in the day. This may help him behave better while you concentrate on the meeting. Invite him to sit on your lap while you talk.

11. Provide Workable PlaytimesLife with a toddler can seem like a roller- coaster ride unless you know what sets off the highs and the lows. Note what prompts desirable behavior, and cut out what stirs turmoil. Some play environments foster good behavior in your child and fewer hassles for you. Seek out the ones that work; avoid the ones that don't. It may be a who, when, and how-many-playmates decision. Recognize who your child has the most fun with (this may not be the child of your best friend) and the time of the day he plays best. Does he play better one-on-one or beside two or three other mates? Most toddlers do best playing alongside a carefully-selected playmate with a compatible temperament. Many children under three are not developmentally ready to play together cooperatively. Playgroups for toddlers work well when the mothers are willing to be present and observant, and able to be involved as the toddlers learn the social "ropes." An alternative to same-age playmates would be four-to-six-year-old playmates for your two-year-old. Older ones like playing with "babies" and they won't end up fighting.

12. Eliminate High-risk ToysPlastic bats are great for solo play but a disaster in a group. Select age and temperament-appropriate toys. An impulsive thrower needs soft toys, not metal cars that he can use as projectiles. If a toy habitually excites squabbles among playing children, shelve it. Children under three do not yet have the developmental capacity to share.

13. Busy the Bored ChildA bored child is a breeding ground for trouble. Let your child be busy with you. Sometimes play with her yourself; sometimes have things for her to do on her own. The fourteen-to-eighteen-month-old will need you a lot. After that, a toddler is more and more able to self-stimulate.

The bored child with a busy parent is a high-risk mismatch. Count on the old standby: "Want to help Mommy?" Her "help" may slow you down, but this is less time-consuming than dealing with an "unbusy" child. 

I’m a first time mom and the artist behind BeeYoMio. After working an extended career in the commercial video game industry, I transitioned into being a full-time mom shortly before my daughter Jade turned one. I love spending time with her at a local park, the beach, or a library. Watching her absorb her surroundings (especially books) gave me the inspiration to apply my background in interactive media towards developing fun and meaningful learning modules for parents who enjoy participating in shaping their child's growth. 
I am originally from China and currently live in San Diego, California.

★★ A growing list of my favorite children picture books

I am a working mom and software engineer who loves technology, travel and family. My little angel Amelia, now 22 months old, is my little independent helper that loves to talk, sing, dance and read.

 As a mother, I love to read books and articles about child development and behavior. I believes that encouraging children to read and making learning fun are crucial from an early age. I decided to take my passion for child development and software engineering to write animated books for children.

Qing is originally from China. She currently lives in San Diego, California.

Amelia's blog: http://ameliawonderland.com/wordpress/

resource from: http://children.webmd.com/tc/growth-and-development-ages-12-to-24-months-overview
What kinds of growth and development occur during ages 12 to 24 months?Your child's rapid brain development between the ages of 12 and 24 months causes amazing changes to happen-such as talking, walking, and remembering-as he or she enters the toddler years.

The changes that happen in this period are often grouped into five areas:

• Physical growth. Expect your child to grow about 3 in. (7.6 cm) to 5 in. (12.7 cm) and gain about 3 lb (1.4 kg) to 5 lb (2.3 kg).
• Cognitive development. This is your child's ability to think, learn, and remember. Your child will start to remember recent events and actions, understand symbols, imitate, imagine, and pretend.
• Emotional and social development. Toddlers form strong emotional attachments and often feel uneasy when they are separated from their loved ones. Around the same time, toddlers typically want to do things on their own or according to their own wishes. This sets the stage for conflict, confusion, and occasional breakdowns.
• Language development. At 15 to 18 months, a typical toddler understands 10 times more words than he or she can speak. By the second birthday, most toddlers can say about 50 to 100 words.
• Sensory and motor development. Motor skills develop as your child's muscles and nerves work together. Toddlers gain control and coordination and become steady walkers. Climbing, running, and jumping soon follow.
• When are routine medical visits needed?Schedule routine checkups, or well-child visits, with your doctor. Typically these visits happen when your child is 12, 15, 18, and 24 months of age. Talk to your doctor about when to make these appointments.
  
  During a well-child visit, the doctor examines your child to find out whether he or she is growing as expected. Your doctor will ask you questionsabout the new things your child is doing, such as saying any words or walking. The doctor will also give your child any needed immunizations and may check for signs of autism.
  
  When should I be concerned about my child's growth and development?Talk to your doctor if your child is not reaching normal growth and development milestones. But keep in mind that every child develops at a different pace. A child who is slow to reach milestones in one area, such as talking, may be ahead in another area, such as walking. Usually it is of more concern when a child reaches developmental milestones but then loses those abilities.
  
  See your doctor if your child makes repetitive motions or odd movements or has not bonded well with others, especially caregivers. Also, watch for signs of hearing problems, such as not reacting to people or loud noises.
  
  Do not hesitate to talk to your doctor anytime you have concerns about your child, even if you are not sure exactly what worries you.
  
  How can I help my child during this period?
  
  You can help your child grow and develop by understanding a toddler's need for independence and allowing safe exploration. It helps your child become confident in trying new skills when you are patient and provide unconditional love. Also, recognize that your child can be easily overwhelmed by all the new things he or she is seeing, hearing, learning, and doing. Help your child to get plenty of rest and quiet time. Schedule well-child visits with a doctor to keep track of yourchild's growth, development, and overall well-being. 
  

Resource from: http://www.webmd.com/parenting/guide/7-secrets-of-toddler-discipline

How many parents have found themselves in deep negotiation with their 2-year-old over whether she can wear her princess costume to preschool for the fifth day in a row? What parent has not, at one time or another, taken a "walk of shame" out of the local supermarket after their toddler threw a temper tantrum on the floor?

Toddlerhood is a particularly vexing time for parents because this is the age at which children start to become more independent and discover themselves as individuals. Yet they still have a limited ability to communicate and reason.


Recommended Related to ParentingHow to Let Kids Be Kids

By Judith NewmanEven some toddlers these days are overscheduled, overstressed, and overwhelmed. Over it? Here's how you can help your kids recapture the simple pleasures of play. Scanning the list of after-school activities on a local parenting Website, my heart races a little: What will I do with my boys this year? Swimming ... Spanish immersion ... musical theater ... hmm, how about rock climbing? Given that Gus has inherited my clumsiness, that class might as well be titled "Learning How...

Read the How to Let Kids Be Kids article > >

"They understand that their actions matter -- they can make things happen," says Claire Lerner, LCSW-C, child development specialist and director of parenting resources for the organization Zero to Three. "This leads them to want to make their imprint on the world and assert themselves in a way they didn't when they were a baby. The problem is they have very little self-control and they're not rational thinkers. It's a very challenging combination."

So how do you deal with a child who screams every time you try to give him or her a bath, and whose vocabulary seems to consist of just one word -- "no"?

Here are a few simple toddler discipline strategies to help make life easier for both you and your child.

Toddler Discipline Secret No. 1: Be ConsistentOrder and routine give young children a safe haven from what they view as an overwhelming and unpredictable world, says Lerner. "When there's some predictability and routine, it makes children feel much more safe and secure, and they tend to be much more behaved and calm because they know what to expect."

Try to keep to the same schedule every day. That means having consistent nap times, mealtimes, and bedtimes, as well as times when your toddler is free to just run around and have fun.

When you do have to make a change, it helps to warn your child in advance. Telling your child, "Aunt Jean is going to watch you tonight while Mommy and Daddy go out for a little bit" will prepare her for a slightly different routine and may prevent a scene at bedtime. 

Consistency is also important when it comes to discipline. When you say "no hitting" the first time your child smacks another child on the playground, you also need to say "no hitting" the second, third, and fourth times your child does it.

Toddler Discipline Secret No. 2: Avoid Stressful SituationsBy the time children reach the toddler stage, you've spent enough time with them to know their triggers. The most common ones are hunger, sleepiness, and quick changes of venue. With a little advance planning, you can avoid these potential meltdown scenarios and keep things relatively calm

Toddler Discipline Secret No. 2: Avoid Stressful Situations continued..."You have to anticipate, which means you don't go to the grocery store when your child needs a nap," says Lisa Asta, MD, a pediatrician in Walnut Creek, Calif., and associate clinical professor of pediatrics at the University of California, San Francisco.

Try to make sure your child is home at naptimes, bedtimes, and mealtimes. If you are out, always keep food on hand in case of a sudden hunger attack. Keep excursions short (that means finding another restaurant if the one you've chosen has an hour-long wait, or doing your grocery shopping at times when the lines are shortest). Finally, plan ahead so you don't have to rush (particularly when you need to get your child to preschool and yourself to work in the mornings).

You can ease transitions by involving your child in the process. That can be as simple as setting an egg timer for five minutes, and saying that when it rings it's time to take a bath or get dressed, or giving your child a choice of whether to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt to school.

Remember to think out loud and update your son or daughter about what is next on the schedule. Toddlers can understand much more than they can express.

Toddler Discipline Secret No. 3: Think Like a ToddlerToddlers aren't mini-adults. They have trouble understanding many of the things we take for granted, like how to follow directions and behave appropriately. Seeing the scenario from a toddler's perspective can help prevent a tantrum.

"You might say, 'I know, Derek, you don't like getting into the car seat... but it's what we have to do,'" Lerner explains. "So you're not coddling, but you're validating their feelings. You have to set the limit, but you do it in a way that respects the child and you use it as an opportunity to help them learn to cope with life's frustrations and rules and regulations."

Giving choices also shows that you respect your toddler and recognize the child's feelings. Asking your child if he or she wants to bring a favorite book in the car, or take along a snack, can make the child feel as though he or she has some control over the situation while you remain in charge, Lerner says.

Toddler Discipline Secret No. 4: Practice the Art of DistractionMake your toddler's short attention span work for you. When your child throws the ball against the dining room wall for the 10th time after you've said to stop, it's pretty easy to redirect your child to a more productive activity, like trading the ball for a favorite book or moving the game outside.

"[Parents] need to create an environment that is most conducive to good toddler behavior," advises Rex Forehand, PhD, the Heinz and Rowena Ansbacher Professor of Psychology at the University of Vermont and author of Parenting the Strong-Willed Child. "If they're into something they're not supposed to do, the idea is not to punish them but to get another activity going or pick them up and put them in another room."

Toddler Discipline Secret No. 5: Give Your Child a BreakTime-outs are one of the foundations of child discipline, but they may not be the best approach for the toddler stage. The negative implication of being sent away can teach kids that they're bad, rather than promote good behavior.

If you do give your child a time-out, limit it to just a minute or two at this age. Instead of calling it a time-out, which can be confusing to children under 3, refer to it as something more positive.

Lerner suggests creating a "cozy corner," a safe place, free from distractions and stimulation, where your child can just chill out for a few minutes until he or she can get back in control. That time away can help you regroup, as well.

Correct bad behaviors, but also take the time to praise good behaviors. "If you don't tell your child when they're doing the right thing, sometimes they'll do the wrong thing just to get attention," Asta says. When you tell your toddler he or she has done something good, there's a good chance your child will want to do it again.

Toddler Discipline Secret No. 6: Stay CalmWhen you're standing in the middle of the mall, looking down at your child who's screaming on the floor, and trying to ignore the stares of the shoppers around you, it's easy for your blood pressure to reach the boiling point. It's hard to stay calm, but losing control will quickly escalate an already stressful situation. Give yourself some time to cool off, advises Forehand. "Otherwise, you're venting your own anger. In the end that's going to make you as a parent feel worse and guilty, and it's not going to do your child any good."

"I call it the "Stepford Wife" approach," Lerner says. As your child screams, say, 'I know, I know,' but stay completely calm as you pick him up. Don't show any emotion.

Sometimes the best tactic is to ignore the behavior entirely. "You just literally act like they're not doing what they're doing. You ignore the behavior you want to stop," Lerner says. When your child realizes that his screaming fit is not going to get him a second lollipop or your attention, eventually he'll get tired of yelling.

Your child may drive you so close to the breaking point that you're tempted to spank him, but most experts warn against the practice. "When we spank, kids learn that physical punishment is acceptable. And so we are modeling exactly what we don't want our kids to do," says Forehand. At the toddler stage, redirection and brief breaks are far more effective discipline tactics, Forehand says.

Toddler Discipline Secret No. 7: Know When to Give InCertain things in a toddler's life are nonnegotiable. She has to eat, brush her teeth, and ride in a car seat. She also has to take baths once in a while. Hitting and biting are never OK. But many other issues aren't worth the headache of an argument. Pick your battles.

"You have to decide whether it's worth fighting about, and about half the time it's not worth fighting about," Asta says. That means it's OK to let your son wear his superhero costume to the grocery store, or read The Giving Tree 10 times in a row. Once he gets what he wants, you can gradually get him to shift in another direction -- like wearing another outfit or picking out a different book to read.

Finally, know that it's OK to feel stressed out by your toddler sometimes. "Realize that none of us as parents is perfect -- we do the best we can. There are going to be days that we're better at this than other days," Forehand says. "But if we parent consistently and have consistent rules, then we're going to see more good days than bad days."

Resource from: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/parenting-tips-for-toddlers/MY00480

Toddlers are infamous for tantrums and other behavior issues. To encourage listening and cooperation, follow these parenting tips.By Mayo Clinic staffLife can be frustrating for toddlers. Though often eager to show their independence, toddlers may not be able to move as swiftly as they'd like or effectively communicate their needs. This combination can easily lead to tantrums and misbehavior. But you can teach your toddler to behave well by providing love, attention, praise, encouragement and a degree of routine. Consider these practical parenting tips.

Show your lovePositive attention tops the list of parenting tips for toddlers. Make sure your displays of affection for your child outnumber any consequences or punishments. Hugs, kisses and good-natured roughhousing reassure your child of your love. Frequent praise and attention also can motivate your toddler to follow the rules.

Accept your childAs your child grows, he or she will display certain personality traits. Some of these are learned, others genetic. Respect your child's developing individuality and don't expect him or her to be just like you. While you're likely to notice certain features of your child's temperament, avoid labeling these features — which can encourage bad behavior. Instead, nurture your child's personality by finding ways to help him or her feel confident. A strong-willed child, for instance, has perseverance. Build on your child's strength by encouraging him or her to play with a challenging toy.

Minimize rulesRather than overloading your child with rules from the outset — which may frustrate him or her — prioritize those geared toward safety first and then gradually add rules to your list over time. Help your toddler follow the rules by childproofing your home and eliminating as many temptations as possible.

Parenting tips: How to improve toddler behaviorPrevent tantrumsIt's normal for a toddler to have temper tantrums. But you may be able to reduce the frequency, duration or intensity of your child's tantrums by following these parenting tips:

• Know your child's limits. Your child may misbehave because he or she doesn't understand or can't do what you're asking.
• Explain how to follow the rules. Instead of saying, "Stop hitting," offer suggestions for how to make play go more smoothly, such as "Why don't you two take turns?"
• Take 'no' in stride. Don't overreact when your toddler says no. Instead, calmly repeat your request.
• Pick your battles. Only say no when it's absolutely necessary.
• Offer choices, when possible. Encourage your child's independence by letting him or her pick out a pair of pajamas or a bedtime story.
• Avoid situations that may trigger frustration or tantrums. If your child always seems to have tantrums at the grocery store, hire a sitter the next time you go shopping. Also know that children are more likely to act out when they're tired, hungry, sick or in an unfamiliar setting.
• Make it fun. Distract your child or make a game out of good behavior. Your child will be more likely to do what you want if you make an activity fun.
• Stick to the schedule. Keep a daily routine as much as possible so that your child will know what to expect.
• Encourage good communication. Remind your child to use words to express his or her feelings. If your child isn't speaking yet, consider teaching him or her baby sign language.

If your child has a tantrum, remain calm and distract him or her. Ignore minor displays of anger, such as crying — but if your child hits, kicks or screams for a prolonged period, remove him or her from the situation. Hold your child or give him or her time alone to cool down.

Enforce consequencesDespite your best efforts, at some point your toddler will break the rules. Consider using these parenting tips to encourage your child to cooperate:

• Natural consequences. Let your child see the consequences of his or her actions — as long as they're not dangerous. If your child throws and breaks a toy, he or she won't have the toy to play with anymore.
• Logical consequences. Create a consequence for your child's actions. Tell your child if he or she doesn't pick up his or her toys, you will take the toys away for a day. Help your child with the task, if necessary. If your child doesn't cooperate, follow through with the consequence.
• Withholding privileges. If your child doesn't behave, respond by taking away something that your child values — such as a favorite toy — or something that's related to his or her misbehavior. Don't take away something your child needs, such as a meal.
• Timeout. When your child acts out, give a warning. If the poor behavior continues, guide your child to a designated timeout spot — ideally a quiet place with no distractions. Enforce the timeout for one minute for every year of your child's age. If your child resists, hold him or her gently but firmly by the shoulders or in your lap. Make sure your child knows why he or she is in the timeout. Afterward, guide your child to a positive activity. If all else fails, tell your child that you are taking a timeout away from him or her for a few minutes because of a specific behavior. Be sure to explain the behavior you'd like to see.

Whatever consequences you choose, be consistent. Make sure that every adult who cares for your child observes the same rules and discipline guidelines. This reduces your child's confusion and need to test you. Also, be careful to criticize your child's behavior — not your child. Instead of saying, "You're a bad boy," try, "Don't run into the street." Never resort to punishments that emotionally or physically harm your child. Spanking, slapping and screaming at a child do more harm than good.

Set a good exampleChildren learn how to act by watching their parents. The best way to show your child how to behave is to set a positive example for him or her to follow.

• Aggression, hitting, and biting
• Interrupting
• Lying
• Pulling hair
• Running away
• Screaming
• Tattling
• Teasing
• Throwing tantrums
• Throwing things
• Whining

Resource from: http://www.babycenter.com/0_11-toddler-behavior-problems-and-how-to-handle-them_10338614.bc 

• A. Assess your child's readiness — and your own
• B. Buy the right equipment
• C. Create a routine
• D. Demonstrate for your child
• E. Explain the process
• F. Foster the habit
• G. Grab some training pants
• H. Handle setbacks gracefully
• I. Introduce night training
• J. Jump for joy — you're done!

Most parents eagerly anticipate toilet training as a milestone in their child's development, if for no other reason than that it means an end to changing diapers. But few moms and dads are prepared for how long toilet training can take.

ååSure, some children master it within a few days, but others can take several months. In general, the younger your child is when you start to toilet-train, the longer it takes.

You and your child have a better chance of success if you understand the elements of training and approach the process in a clear fashion. Here are the basic steps:


A. Assess your child's readiness — and your ownWhen your child is about a year old, she'll be able to begin to recognize that she has a full rectum or bladder. Some children are ready to start potty training as early as 18 months, while others aren't interested in the process until after the age of 3. Many parents begin potty training when their children are about 2 and a half.

Since there's such a wide age range when your toddler may be interested in potty training, watch for signs that your toddler is ready to start: Can she follow simple instructions? Can she walk and sit down? Can she take her underwear off and put it back on? Try not to put on the pressure – rushing her when she's not ready will be counterproductive.

And don't expect this child to have the same timeline as your older child. Boys tend to train a bit more slowly than girls, while second (and subsequent) children may learn more quickly than firstborns.

MilestonesRecord the moments that matter in yourtoddler's amazing development.

Also consider the other challenges your toddler is dealing with now. If she's experiencing any turmoil or major change in her life, like a new school, caregiver, or sibling, the potty-training process is likely to hit some snags and should probably be put off until things have settled down.

There's also no sense in beginning potty training when you – or your child's primary caregivers – are too overwhelmed to devote time, patience, and a dash of humor to the process. Be prepared to take several months to potty-train and offer daily encouragement.

If you're in the middle of remodeling your house, have just taken a challenging new job, or are experiencing morning sickness with your next pregnancy, it's probably not a good time to try to potty-train your toddler. Wait a couple of weeks – or months – for other pressures to ease.

B. Buy the right equipmentFirst and foremost, invest in a child-size potty chair or a special adapter seat that attaches to your regular toilet. This eases the anxiety some children feel about the grown-up toilet – some fear falling into it, others dislike the loud noise of the flush.

Figure out what equipment is best for your toddler before you go shopping, then ask your child to help you pick a potty chair out. Once you get the special chair home, write his name on it and encourage him to play with it.

If you're buying a potty chair for your son, look for one without a urine guard or with a removable one. You may have to wipe up a little more stray pee, but the guards tend to bump into and scrape a boy's penis when he sits on the potty, which can discourage him from training.

If you're using an adapter seat, make sure it's comfy and secure, and buy a stool to go with it. Your toddler will need the stool in order to get up and down from the toilet quickly and easily, as well as to brace his feet while sitting, which helps him push when he's having a bowel movement.
C. Create a routineSet your toddler on the potty seat, fully clothed, once a day – after breakfast, before her bath, or whenever else she's likely to have a bowel movement. This will help her get used to the potty and accept it as part of her routine. If there's not an easily accessible bathroom around, bring your child's portable potty outside, to the playroom, or wherever she may be.

Once she's fine with this routine, have her sit on the potty bare-bottomed. Again, let her get used to how this feels. At this point, let her know that this is what Mommy and Daddy (and any older siblings) do every day – that taking off your pants before you use the bathroom is a grown-up thing to do.

If sitting on the potty with or without clothes is upsetting to your toddler, don't push it. Never restrain her or physically force her to sit there, especially if she seems scared. It's better to put the potty aside for a few weeks before trying again. Then, if she's willing to sit there, you know she's comfortable enough to proceed.

D. Demonstrate for your childChildren learn by imitation, and watching you use the bathroom is a natural way to understand what using the toilet is all about. If you have a son, it's simpler to teach him topee sitting down at this young age. Later, when he's mastered that, he can watch his dad, older brother, or friend pee standing up – he's bound to pick it up quickly with just a little encouragement.

When you demonstrate for your toddler, it's helpful to talk about how you know it's time to go to the bathroom, then explain what's going on as you're using the toilet and let him see afterward what you "made." Then show him how you wipe with toilet paper, pull up your underwear, flush the toilet, and wash your hands.

Even though you'll be helping your toddler with these activities for some time, especially wiping after a bowel movement, seeing you do it and hearing you talk through it will help him get used to the whole process. (If your toddler is a girl, when you wipe her be sure to go from front to back, especially after a bowel movement, to minimize the risk of urinary tract infections.)

If your toddler has older siblings or friends who are potty-trained, consider having them demonstrate, too. It can be helpful for your child to see others close to his age exhibiting the skills he's trying to learn.

E. Explain the processShow your toddler the connection between pooping and the toilet. The next time she poops in her diaper, take her to the potty, sit her down, and empty the diaper beneath her into the bowl. Afterward, let her flush if she wants to (but don't force her if she's scared) so she can watch her feces disappear.

You also may want to pick up a few potty-training picture books or videos for your toddler, which can assist her in taking in all this new information. Everyone Poops, by Taro Gomi, is a perennial favorite, as well as Where's the Poop? and Once Upon a Potty, which even comes in a version with a doll and miniature potty.

Keeping a book like this in the bathroom, or a poster or flipbook that illustrates the steps in using the potty, can help your toddler get familiar with the process and relate it to what she does in the bathroom.

F. Foster the habitEncourage your toddler to sit on the potty whenever he feels the urge to go. If he needs help getting there and taking off his diaper, make sure he knows it's okay to ask you for help any time.

If you can, let him run around bare-bottomed sometimes with the potty nearby. The more time he spends out of diapers, the faster he's likely to learn, although you'll have to steel yourself to clean up a few more puddles. Tell him he can use the potty whenever he wants to, and remind him occasionally that it's there if he needs it.

Sometimes toddlers won't sit on the potty long enough to relax and let anything come out. Calmly encourage him to sit there for at least a minute or so. You'll have the best luck getting him to stay put if you keep him company and talk to him or read him a book.

When your toddler uses the potty successfully, shower him with praise. This will help to give him positive reinforcement as he masters potty training. Chances are that he'll continue to have accidents, but he'll start to grasp that getting something in the potty is an accomplishment.

Still, try not to make a big deal out of every trip to the potty or your toddler may start to feel nervous and self-conscious under the glare of all that attention.

E. Explain the processShow your toddler the connection between pooping and the toilet. The next time she poops in her diaper, take her to the potty, sit her down, and empty the diaper beneath her into the bowl. Afterward, let her flush if she wants to (but don't force her if she's scared) so she can watch her feces disappear.

You also may want to pick up a few potty-training picture books or videos for your toddler, which can assist her in taking in all this new information. Everyone Poops, by Taro Gomi, is a perennial favorite, as well as Where's the Poop? and Once Upon a Potty, which even comes in a version with a doll and miniature potty.

Keeping a book like this in the bathroom, or a poster or flipbook that illustrates the steps in using the potty, can help your toddler get familiar with the process and relate it to what she does in the bathroom.

F. Foster the habitEncourage your toddler to sit on the potty whenever he feels the urge to go. If he needs help getting there and taking off his diaper, make sure he knows it's okay to ask you for help any time.

If you can, let him run around bare-bottomed sometimes with the potty nearby. The more time he spends out of diapers, the faster he's likely to learn, although you'll have to steel yourself to clean up a few more puddles. Tell him he can use the potty whenever he wants to, and remind him occasionally that it's there if he needs it.

Sometimes toddlers won't sit on the potty long enough to relax and let anything come out. Calmly encourage him to sit there for at least a minute or so. You'll have the best luck getting him to stay put if you keep him company and talk to him or read him a book.

When your toddler uses the potty successfully, shower him with praise. This will help to give him positive reinforcement as he masters potty training. Chances are that he'll continue to have accidents, but he'll start to grasp that getting something in the potty is an accomplishment.

Still, try not to make a big deal out of every trip to the potty or your toddler may start to feel nervous and self-conscious under the glare of all that attention.

G. Grab some training pantsOnce training is under way, consider adding training pants – extra-thick cloth or disposables that pull on like underwear – to your routine. They'll allow your toddler to undress for the potty on her own, which is a critical step toward becoming completely potty-trained.

While cloth training pants are less convenient than disposable pull-ups, many parents say they work better because your toddler can really feel when she pees or poops in them. Whichever option you choose, introduce them gradually – probably for a few hours at a time – and stick with diapers at night for the time being.

When your child consistently seeks out the potty whenever she has to go, it's time to move on to "big-kid" underwear. Many moms and dads have found that undies with a favorite character on them give kids a dandy incentive to stay dry.

H. Handle setbacks gracefullyToilet training can be difficult for parents and children. Keep in mind that temporary setbacks are completely normal and virtually every child will have several accidentsbefore being able to stay dry all day long.

An accident doesn't mean that you've failed. When it happens, don't get angry or punish your child. After all, it's only recently that his muscle development has allowed him to hold his bladder and rectum closed at all, and he's still learning why it's important to use the potty. Mastering the process will take time.

What can you do? Reduce the chance of accidents by dressing your toddler in clothes that are easy to remove quickly. When he has an accident anyway, be positive and loving and calmly clean it up. Suggest sweetly that next time he try using his potty instead.

I. Introduce night trainingDon't give away that stash of diapers just yet. Even when your child is consistently clean and dry all day, it may take several more months, or even years, for her to stay dry all night. At this age, her body is still too immature to wake her up in the middle of the night reliably just to go to the bathroom. In fact, it's perfectly normal for a child to continue wetting the bed occasionally until she's in her early school years.

When you're ready to embark on night training, your toddler should continue to wear a diaper or pull-up to bed, but encourage her to use the potty if she has to pee or poop during the night. Tell her that if she wakes up in the middle of the night needing to go, she can call you for help. You can also try putting her potty near her bed so she can use it right there.

If she manages to stay dry consistently at night, it might be a good time to start nighttime training. Put a plastic sheet under the cloth one to protect the mattress. Put your toddler in underwear (or nothing) and have her use the toilet before you tuck her in. Then see how it goes. When she wakes up, get her in the habit of using the bathroom before she begins her day.

But remember that many children aren't ready to stay dry at night until they're school-age. There's also not much you can do to help things along, short of limiting liquids before bedtime, so if your toddler doesn't seem to get the hang of it, put her back in nighttime diapers and try again in a few months when she's a little older.

J. Jump for joy — you're done!Believe it or not, when your child is mentally and physically ready to learn this new skill, he will. And if you wait until he's really ready to start, the process shouldn't be too painful for either of you.

When it's over, reinforce his pride in his achievement by letting him give away leftover diapers to a family with younger kids or help you pack up the cloth diapers and send them away with the diaper delivery service one last time.

And don't forget to pat yourself on the back. Now you won't have to think about diapers ever again – at least, not until the next baby.

Get potty-training advice from other parents, discuss bed-wetting, and share funny potty stories in the BabyCenter Community. 

Resource from: http://www.babycenter.com/toddler-potty-training-advice